flowsoffire: (DW)
[personal profile] flowsoffire
Title: Errant Hearts
Author: flowsoffire
Fandom: Doctor Who (classic series)
Pairing/characters: First Doctor, mentions of Susan and other companions
Genre: Family/Drama
Rating: K
Word count: c. 400
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Summary: "He misses Susan sometimes." Nearing the end and the beginning of his journey, the First Doctor ponders companionship and belonging.
Author's note: Just a little One piece, more or less linked to my Two!regeneration!fic Old Soul Written New as far as themes are concerned, but very much stand-alone. Enjoy!


**********************************************************************************************************************



He misses Susan sometimes.

It is not often at the forefront of his brain. His mind is wide and always busy, and there is many another thing to think about, especially when one takes into account his ship’s tendency to land straight at the middle of trouble. And he did not end up alone, after all… No, he did not. Human beings come and go; he did not expect the departures of Chesterton and Barbara, nor Vicki’s—but there is always someone new, stumbling aboard when he least expects it. There is always a young girl, eager and starry-eyed, and the word "child" tumbles from his lips all too easily.

Still. He makes his way from one place to the next at random, without a reason to ever stop, now; he flies the TARDIS alone, and remembers his granddaughter. He is careful to keep the thought of her fleeting, as the concern of the rest of his family; he is long used to the art of avoiding that pain. A superior and impressively roomy brain are of valuable help in that regard, once more. But Susan was his first companion in travels, at his side from the very start, when he ran away—no, when they ran away. Dwelling on her memory is bittersweet. There is a part of pride, pride for her and the woman she will have become, pride that he gave her this chance, to build a home with a man who would love her. It also aches, dully and consistently. She was the only one, really, who understood.

But he could not cling to her for that reason, nor pretend that it meant her needs would be the same as his.

Oh, he is an old man now, so feeble and so light at times… His ship anchors him, and the voices of the young accompanying him on his travels. He knows, if vaguely, what is going to happen to him in the end, and Susan would also have known; perhaps she would have looked at him, and understood, without his even needing to speak the words. Regeneration: it is an intimidating concept and he subconsciously shies away from it. Old man, he will eventually be reborn as new. Better things to think about, for now.

When the time comes, the rumbling of his ship fills his head and he imagines Susan’s hand over his, cool and holding tight.

Then the notion escapes as all things do, and he slips away into the restful blackness.

Date: 2014-01-17 11:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] a-phoenixdragon.livejournal.com
Ohhh, honey...this is...

Ohhhh...

*HUGS YOU HARD*

I WISH I HAD YOUR WAY WITH WORDS OF PRAISE!!!!

Date: 2014-01-18 10:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flowsoffire.livejournal.com
*chuckles delightedly* "Ohhh" is feedback I find rather pleasing :D So glad you liked it, honey! *hugs you tight*

Date: 2014-01-18 09:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] honeynoir.livejournal.com
Aw, so lovely and... understated in the best way. Pragmatic and pensive and very Doctor-y.

And that last part was almost too sad/adorable.

Date: 2014-01-18 09:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flowsoffire.livejournal.com
Eeeeee, so happy you think so ♥ It felt very One, glad it read this way too!

:D *hugs you* ♥♥♥

Date: 2014-01-18 09:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] honeynoir.livejournal.com
It was very One, yes! (I think it could have worked as a coda to Eleven's regeneration (er, before? during?), as well, which is really cool.)

*hugs* ♥♥♥

Date: 2014-01-18 10:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flowsoffire.livejournal.com
Ohhhhh!!!! Indeed, I hadn't thought of that at all :D

I just made a First Doctor + Barbara icon and my evening is made btw :)

Date: 2014-01-18 10:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] honeynoir.livejournal.com
Yay! More One + Barbara icons! :D

Date: 2014-01-18 10:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flowsoffire.livejournal.com
All of them! ;)

Date: 2014-01-24 01:25 am (UTC)
juliet316: Made for me by < lj user= alizarin-skies> as a result of bidding on her for the Support Stacie auction.  Not shareable (DW: Tardis)
From: [personal profile] juliet316
Very lovely look at one towards the end of his journey.

Date: 2014-01-24 10:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flowsoffire.livejournal.com
Thank you! It's great to hear you liked the story :)

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